Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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