So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
