I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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