He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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