I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
