Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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