Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
