Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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