My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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