im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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