Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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