I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
