I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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