and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
