i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You were trust falling into bushes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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