enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
