Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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