Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
