So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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