Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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