Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
