wrigley field is MILF paradise
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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