is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
