so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
