Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Success! We fucked roommates!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
