Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
