I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
