we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Who died my cat blue again?
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