I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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