Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
