First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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