Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
