allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
