I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
