dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
