i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
