U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
