Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
