she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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