It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
