No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
