I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
