why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
