It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
