I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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