grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
