New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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