you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
