i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
