You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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