what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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